In Final Season of 24, Jack Bauer to go Undercover as Bear and Die

FOX has announced that the final season of 24 will debut next March and feature the anti-terror agent, Jack Bauer, going undercover amongst the world’s most dangerous villains yet. Grizzly bears. When asked if Bauer would survive, the network said, “of course not”.

Jack Bauer has gone up against terrorists and bad guys of every kind. No matter what the challenge, Bauer always wins. But this time Bauer got himself into the pickle of all pickles. Bears.

The show has been accused of being sensationalistic and pushing the boundary lines of believability at times, but even the writers of 24 couldn’t bring themselves to write a season in which Jack Bauer defeats bears. “Nobody would believe it. We would lose all credibility,” said story editor Blake Richardson.

“Believability is a big deal to us. We consider this show heightened realism. Defeating bears? That would be overstepping the bounds we’ve set. That would be pure fantasy,” director Kevin McBroom added.

The writers say they hadn’t realized what they had done until it was too late. “We had already written the first 12 episodes and we realized this season couldn’t go any other direction. Bauer had to die,” said Richardson. “If Bauer lived, it would be so ridiculous that the show would be a laughingstock and cancelled forever. We had put ourselves in a catch 22 situation. Bauer had to die, which also meant this would have to be the final season. Either way, the show had to end. We really messed up,” he added with a tear sliding down one cheek.

“FOX is pretty upset,” said McBroom. “They planned on cashing in on 24’s success every couple of years, even into Kiefer’s 90’s. Jack Bauer was going to be killing terrorists from his death bed.” The writing team has been given notice of termination and will all lose their jobs when the season is finished.

However, all is not lost. A reboot of the show is already being planned, in which DNA is extracted from the mauled remains of Jack Bauer and he is recreated using genetic science. But, because his DNA has been mingled with bear saliva, he returns as Jack Bear, half-man, half-bear. 24: Out of Hibernation is slated for a summer 2018 release.

 


Author of Bearmageddon, Axe Cop and the upcoming Dickinson Killdeer’s Guide to Bears of the Apocalypse: Ursine Abominations of the End Times and How to Defeat Them.
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