Dept of Fish and Wildlife Releases Statement on High-fiving Bears: DON’T

The Fish & Wildlife Service has released this important safety announcement.

highfive

Share this ad if you care about your friends, especially those prone to instantaneous high fiving without careful consideration. Bears are well aware that many human beings will engage in a high five with a complete stranger without a moment’s thought, triggered simply by raising a hand (or paw) and saying something like “up high, bro” or “hit me”. Bears use this lack of judgment to lure victims into close contact and then rip them into multiple pieces, spreading their entrails across every corner of the forest.

Only YOU can prevent bear high five death.

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3 thoughts on “Dept of Fish and Wildlife Releases Statement on High-fiving Bears: DON’T

  • November 10, 2016 at 2:12 pm
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    I think the real story here is the suggestion that Bears possess the power of speech. If so, that changes everything. Bears will be able to infiltrate human society, obtain positions in big defense corporations and develop weapons even more deadly than Bears. If that were possible. Perhaps giant rockets that would propel the Earth directly into the Sun.

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  • November 14, 2016 at 6:35 pm
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    I really like the newspaper story in the picture. It’s cut off, but not before we read things like “…head on a pike…forest, high up on a mountain…Let this be a lesson…” Nice finger-wagging tone at the end.

    Reply

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