Office Workers Take Stairs After Elevator Taken Over by Bear

CENTRO, DE—Office employees at the Stockton Office plaza in downtown Centro were shocked last Wednesday to discover an 844-pound Eurasian brown bear had taken residence inside the building’s main elevator. Most chose to simply avoid the bear and take the stairs. But that was five days ago and the beast hasn’t left the 56 story building and doesn’t look to have plans to.

The bear seems to be living off of office employees who have become so tired of taking the stairs that they finally decide to risk the elevator. “The last thing you want to do is walk down 47 flights of stairs at the end of a brutal work day,” said Hillford Gardon, head manager at Hartke Insurance Group. Security footage shows weary but determined workers entering the elevator, politely nodding at the bear, then standing quietly with their back to the creature as the elevator descends and peppy jazz music plays. What happens next is brutal and shocking. “It eats them,” Gardon says with a quiver in his lip.

With no elevator maintenance workers willing to attempt to remove the bear, the employees at Stockton have been forced to “get fit or quit”. Their only hope of the bear ever leaving is for it to get hungry and leave of its own accord. “We’ve gotta stop feeding ourselves to it,” said Gardon. “We’re just prolonging the torture. We can take the stairs to work or the elevator to hell.”

 


Editor in Chief of BNN. Author and illustrator of Bearmageddon, Axe Cop and the upcoming Dickinson Killdeer’s Guide to Bears of the Apocalypse: Ursine Abominations of the End Times and How to Defeat Them.

 

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