Thinking about sharing private data over that public WiFi connection at the local coffee shop? Think again. Bears have been spotted in coffee shops across America and they are expert hackers.
Public WiFi networks—like those in coffee shops—are not nearly as safe as you think. Bears are everywhere. You may think a password will protect you, but bears can tear through a password like a fresh salmon in the spring.
Just because most wireless routers have a firewall to protect you from the internet doesn’t mean you’re protected from bears. It’s remarkably common for bear cyber attacks to happen when you are using public WiFi. Don’t take that chance. Here’s how to automatically change your settings to avoid bear hacking every time you connect to a public network.
Delete all your Honey.EXL files: Most people don’t realize their computer has a honey file. The file can be located in C:\Users\Default\AppData\Local\Microsoft\Windows/INetHoneycombs/HoneyStores/Honey.EXL. Delete any file with the word “honey” in it, then empty your recycle bin. Be careful, these files like to stick.
Change your password to something a bear would never type: For instance, “SalmonTastesLikeAss”
Try to use the internet without WiFi: It’s hard but worth a shot.
Use someone else’s computer when you get up to use the bathroom: If you watch someone long enough, this will happen. Earn their trust by buying them lots of drinks so that they will go more often.
Make your own coffee and stay home: Seriously, why pay $5 for a cup of coffee AND risk a bear hack?
This isn’t a complete list by any means but should give you a good checklist of things you should do to avoid bear hacking every time you connect to a public network. There are certainly a number of other things you could do (such as leave the planet, die, or just stay away from coffee shops), but these steps will take you a long way towards a bear safe browsing experience.
Editor in Chief of BNN. Author and illustrator of Bearmageddon, Axe Cop, Dickinson Killdeer’s Guide to Bears of the Apocalypse: Ursine Abominations of the End Times and How to Defeat Them.