There’s a lot of news in the world that goes without coverage in today’s media. While every other news site is posting the same stories about politicians and world leaders, they all continue to ignore what’s really important: bears. In recent times, bear attacks are on the rise. Bears are mutating, living longer, multiplying faster. Evidence is mounting that an ursine rebellion is underway. Yes, Bearmageddon is nigh. They’re plotting the destruction of entire cities. Growing tentacles. Killing people with piledrivers. Bears are plotting to kill us all, and nobody is talking about it. That is, until now. BNN is America’s #1 bearer of bear news. We will be right on the front lines, bringing you every detail as the world inevitably comes to an end. Survival may not be an option, but great news coverage is a priority.
There’s good news and there’s bad news, but we’ll give you the bear news first.
Tim Palmer—Contributing Writer
Tim is a writer living in Los Angeles. He watches too much television, not enough cartoons, and wishes everyone was reading comic books. He hopes this doesn’t sound like a dating profile, but if it does, he also enjoys short hikes and comedy shows. You can pursue him, romantically or otherwise, on twitter @.
Frank Fleming—Contributing Writer
Frank is the Author of the science fiction novel Superego and the self-help book Punch Your Inner Hippie: Cut Your Hair, Get a Job, and Make America Awesome Again and the world’s leading advocate for nuking the moon. Follow him on twitter @IMAO_ .
Greg Hahn—Contributing Writer
Greg is writer/Story editor for Cartoon Network’s Sonic Boom; Lover of TV, film, toys, cartoons, and pro wrestling; Perpetual Man-Child. Follow him on twitter @ItsGregHahn
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Bearmageddon News Network does not post true stories of fatal bear attacks, only satire.