Golfer Makes Unprecedented Shot With Bear Testicle, Dies

Craig Warn had two choices: Run or take the shot of a lifetime.

It was a sunny day at Sunny Day Golf Course in Citrus Heights, CA. Craig Warn, a 43-year-old mortgage loan originator, was playing the best game of his life. Then his ball landed in the path of a grizzly bear and everything changed.

“The bear was in the middle of eating another golfer,” said Nicole, Warn’s girlfriend of 7 years who watched the entire incident. “We didn’t see it until we came over the hill and realized the ball had landed right by it.”

According to Nicole,  Craig, a man who was not only dedicated to the sport, but had also drunk a large amount of Jack Daniels and Coors Light, decided to charge at the bear. “He seemed to think the bear was preoccupied enough with the golfer it was eating that he could just take his shot and get out of there.” But when Craig got close, the bear turned and picked the ball up in its mouth, then crushed it in its teeth. That was the moment many say that Craig should have turned and run, but Nicole says that’s not the Craig she knows, especially after he’d been drinking. “He gets very competitive,” she chuckled.

‘He had to decide if he wanted to go out as a winner or another chump who got ate.”

The bear stood up to threaten Craig. Instead of running, Craig noticed the male bear’s testicles were lined up with his club and the distant hole. He decided in that moment he was not going to run. He was going to take the shot of a lifetime. “My best guess is that Craig knew he was going to die at that point. He had to decide if he wanted to go out as a winner or another chump who got ate,” Nicolle said. Craig swung hard and the bear’s scrotum tore. One testicle blasted out of the opening and into the air. The furious bear swung its claw at Craig’s head so hard it spun around three times, then fell off his neck. From Warn’s neck-hole shot forth a geyser of blood. He died before he could see what he had done: Moments later, the bear’s testicle landed perfectly in the hole. “This was a par 5 and he did it in two using a bear testicle,” said Nicole with tears in her eyes. When asked if she was crying over her loss she said no, she was crying because she was so proud of him.

“This was a par 5 and he pulled off a double eagle using a bear testicle…”

Craig Warn became an instant legend of the sport. A 12-foot tall hand-carved wood statue of Craig striking a bear in the testicles with a golf club is being erected at the entrance of the Sunny Day Golf Course and he is being entered into the Hall of Fame for his achievement. A Wheaties commercial is in the works as well. “No golfer has knocked a bear ball into a hole like that,” said PGA Vice President Kevin Morton. “The closest anyone ever came was in 1964 when Preston Carlisle struck a black bear’s nut within a few yards, but that would have been a double bogey on a par 4 at best, and he still would have had to putt a few times before he got killed. Not nearly as impressive.”

“He’s made us all very proud,” said Nicole. “I mean, if you’re going to get killed by a bear, at least he did it like a G-D legend!”

Craig Warn was born in Anchorage Alaska and is survived by his girlfriend, Nicole, three brothers, and two sisters.

There will be a service on Sunday, July 16th, 2017 from 12:00-1:45 pm. The funeral is open to the public and will be held at Sunny Day Golf Course, 363 Jarvis Rd, Citrus Heights, CA 95610.
Published on Bearmageddon News Network on July 10, 2017.

 

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One thought on “Golfer Makes Unprecedented Shot With Bear Testicle, Dies

  • July 10, 2017 at 8:19 pm
    Permalink

    So long as a golfer is disposable,
    then a golfing hole receptacle,
    Is perfectly made for a bear testicle.

    Reply

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