Bears Remain Frontrunners in All Olympic Events

After forcing themselves into every Olympic event, bears have become the first non-human faction to compete and dominate the 2016 Olympic games. It started on day one with archery, of all sports. The events began as they had any other year until seventy-three bears charged onto the range and attacked everyone. With all of their competition either dead or fleeing in horror, the bears won by default.

At first, Olympic authorities refused to accept the bears as part of the games, but when shooting, rowing, volleyball and swimming events were all taken over by bears, the pressure was on event officials to change the rulebooks, especially with the bears’ growing popularity as a team. Eventually they caved (no pun intended) and made the bears an official Olympic team.

Even though it is clear that the bears will definitely win every event from here on out including ice skating, the games remain a thrill to watch. “We’d been looking for ways to spice up the games. Who knew how much better the Olympics could be with bears all over it?” remarked Olympics event chief event coordinator Shari Johar. Fans are eager to see events such as bobsledding, wrestling, and fencing. All events spectators expect the bears to shine.

With the new team comes the possibility of holding the next Olympic games in Bear Country, which is now being seriously considered. “Salmon catching could be just one of the new events,” suggested Johar. “I say we embrace this bear thing. They’re going to kill us all anyway.”

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