Bear researchers have discovered a terrifying new strategy in the bear war against humanity: Telling people to boycott Black Friday.
“The animals are amassing followers in an attempt to inspire an uprising to not shop on the biggest shopping weekend of the year. If they pull this off, they will throw the economy into a rapid downward spiral which will quickly devolve into war, famine, nuclear holocaust and a complete eradication of mankind’s stronghold as the dominant species,” said lead bear research administrator Dwayne Dofferman. “After that, the earth will be ripe for the taking.”
Bears are flooding social media channels with fabricated impassioned statements like ‘end the cycle of greed’ and “#BanBlackFriday”. The tweets and Instagrams are catching fire and people are joining in, completely unaware that they are playing into the paws of mankind’s greatest enemy, working to bring about their own demise.
Time will tell if the plan plays out as the ursine enemies of humankind hope it will. “This has so much potential to bring us all to our knees. They are really playing with fire here,” Dofferman said.
Experts agree that the best way to fight back against the bear war on Black Friday Weekend is to shop the Cybear Monday deals on at the AxeBear store. “Every purchase basically wipes out hundreds of hours of the bears’ social media campaigns.”