First Annual “Running of the Bears” Sees Its Final Year

Too many dead at this point to pass the new tradition on to next year’s generation

BERKSHAW, AK — Ever heard of Pamplona, Spain, the famous location of the running of the bulls, made famous by Ernest Hemingway? Of course, you have. But have you ever heard of Berkshaw, Alaska? They’ve put a new spin on Spain’s bull fleeing tradition. This year, Berkshaw officials released six Alaskan grizzly bears onto a 930-yard course in the middle of downtown. As hundreds of citizens fled in terror, a controversial new tradition was born.

“We wanted a unique annual event that would get the world’s attention,”said mayor Hank Freling. “Something  like the running of the bulls, but with a twist.”

It seems they twisted a little too hard. The bears proceeded to mutilate and devour over 80% of the fleeing citizens and tourists, leaving Berkshaw so devastated the town may never recover. Surviving officials decided that the event had run its course and declared that this would be its final year. “Some traditions aren’t meant to go on forever,” said Freling.

The city held a ceremony closing the door on one year of time-honored tradition, declaring that the annual running of the bears would now become a thing of history. The mayor announced the city would be opening a “Running of the Bears Museum” to document the historical custom. “Tourists can come and stand where the actual running of the bears took place and get a look into the rich custom that put our city on the map,” Freling said in his speech at the closing ceremony.

Over 7,000 people died.

 


Editor in Chief of BNN. Author and illustrator of Bearmageddon, Axe Cop and the upcoming Dickinson Killdeer’s Guide to Bears of the Apocalypse: Ursine Abominations of the End Times and How to Defeat Them.

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