NASA’s Spitzer Space Telescope recently revealed the discovery of 7 habitable planets. Three of these planets are potentially habitable and likely to have liquid water. Unfortunately, bears have already reached all seven planets and will have completely destroyed them before humans ever have the time or technology to reach any of their surfaces.
The discovery sets a new record for greatest number of habitable-zone planets found around a single star outside our solar system to be completely destroyed by bears. All of these seven planets are overrun by ursine hordes – death for all life as we know it – under the right atmospheric conditions for complete destruction.
“It really sucks,” said Thomas Zurbucken, associate administrator of the agency’s Science Mission Directorate in Washington. “We were really close to something big there.”
Editor in Chief of BNN. Author and illustrator of Bearmageddon, Axe Cop, Dickinson Killdeer’s Guide to Bears of the Apocalypse: Ursine Abominations of the End Times and How to Defeat Them.