BOEING, ID—A dismembered elk was found pressed seven feet into the ground last week in a clearing outside of Boeing. Authorities suspect the animal was killed by a 950-pound grizzly bear who had just jumped out of an airplane.
After some investigation, rangers found a local grizzly had been a recent graduate of Sky Jumper Skydiving Academy.
“He came in, he paid the fee, he filled out the paperwork. It all seemed to check out,” said instructor Davis Jennings. “We suspected he lied about his weight, but that’s more of a liability issue.” The maximum weight for trainees is supposed to be two hundred and fifty pounds. Though the ursine student was just fifty pounds shy of a thousand, the staff at the academy say the animal listened to instructions and did as he was told.
“He seemed very eager to get certified,” said Jennings’ assistant, Marlena Howard.
The day the bear got his certification, he immediately booked a jump. “I have to admit, I was nervous. It was just me and that big bruin in my little Cessna,” said pilot Hank McGrath. “He insisted we fly out over a clearing outside of town. He paid me in fresh salmon, and that’s good stuff. Once we got to that clearing outside of town, you could see a small herd of elk out there grazing. That’s when he started pawing at the back of my seat, signaling me he was ready to go.”
Residents and campers within a four-mile radius report feeling the vibration of the impact and seeing a dust cloud go up “like Hiroshima.”
Crime scene analysts say the elk exploded into several pieces upon impact.
Editor in Chief of BNN. Author and illustrator of Bearmageddon, Axe Cop, Dickinson Killdeer’s Guide to Bears of the Apocalypse: Ursine Abominations of the End Times and How to Defeat Them.