STUDY: Bears Love Power Bombs

It’s never wise to get too close to a bear but new evidence shows it’s even more dangerous than previously thought. It turns out that bears love power bombs.

“Bears are always looking for an opportunity to powerbomb anything that gets close enough for a grapple. Elk, squirrels, hunters, hikers. Even quail,” said lead researcher Herbert Cooke. “If a bear gets anywhere near you, it’s over.”

Unlike a human power bomb, a bear power bomb is 100% lethal. “For them, it’s a finishing move,” Cooke explained. “A bear powerbomb often leads to dismemberment, fatal spin injuries, often the victim’s head pops clean off.”

With this new information, experts have increased the suggested distance to be maintained from any bear from ten feet to one state. “Bears are fast, you don’t want to even give them a chance. If you even glimpse a bear on the horizon it’s time to relocate.”

Bear power bombs are a real threat and should always be taken seriously.

 


Editor in Chief of BNN. Author of Bearmageddon, Axe Cop and the upcoming Dickinson Killdeer’s Guide to Bears of the Apocalypse: Ursine Abominations of the End Times and How to Defeat Them.
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4 thoughts on “STUDY: Bears Love Power Bombs

  • September 30, 2016 at 8:11 pm
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    Is it true that sometimes bears will go for distance and not hurl you straight down?

    Reply
    • September 30, 2016 at 8:16 pm
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      Yes, especially at the edge of a canyon or high cliff.

      Reply
  • October 1, 2016 at 5:23 am
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    FALSE. BEAR HUGS ARE LOVE. FIND NEAREST BEAR IMMEDIATELY.

    Reply

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